Don't Feel Bad When Writer's Block Strikes.

Some years ago I read a rather brilliant book by an American author - I think her name was Natalie Goldberg - and it introduced me to the concept of Morning Pages.  As Natalie quite rightly pointed out, no sports person will enter an event without some kind of warm-up because the consequences could be disasterous.  Similarly, she cleverly pointed out, a writer should also warm up before getting on with their novel, poems, article or whatever writing project they are on.  It doesn't matter what you write in your Morning Pages because the only person ever likely to see it is you.  So I'd often spend a happy half hour or so just letting thoughts of all kind pour forth - the weather, the garden birds, what the cat had been up to, the mood I was in, whether or not I needed to go shopping, or do some housework.  Morning Pages are different from a diary or journal because in a diary or journal, one tends to reflect on one's day.  In Morning Pages, you can't reflect on what has already happened because nine times out of ten you are sitting up in bed writing them before your day has even begun.  And you can't really speculate much either, unless you have plans in place already.  So you just write.
It makes you feel great.  It makes you believe you are that writer you tell everyone you are.  Those moments are you and your pen's alone.

Goodbye and Thank You!

I started this blog many moons ago and it has seen me through many difficult and magical times.  I have always enjoyed reading any comments and appreciate everything it has done for me.  Now, though, I feel it is time to move on.  I regularly write for Linked In and am about to set up a new blog with Wordpress, but this blog, bless it, is looking old and tired and it - like me - must be allowed to move on.  Or be put out to grass.

Moving house and living by the sea, with five adorable grandchildren just a few streets away,  and two more just a few miles up the road, plus the fact I have the part time job of my dreams as an Activities Co-Ordinator at a local residential home where I share my love of all thing creative, and leaving the Young Writer group almost a year ago ... I don't know...  I just feel on the verge of a new era and unfortunately, this blog will no longer have a part to play in that.

Many thanks to all those that shared and read my incessant meanderings.  This is not farewell forever; I am a writer and I will always find a way to get my thoughts out there.  But it is the setting of the sun on a valuable experience.

Many thanks.

At Last! My Book!

You may recall a few months ago that I wrote a post on here singing the praises of The Woman In Black by Susan Hill - first the play and then the book.  It brought to mind a supernatural story I have been wrestling with for decades, attempting numerous times to write or at least develop.  It is not your usual kind of supernatural story.  It is set in a new town house in the mid-60s rather than some dark and dingy manor house or abandoned ruin and it sprang from an image that came to my mind out of nowhere many moons ago of a huge protrait of a baby drawn on a wall.  Now I don't know if at some point I actually saw this portrait or if it just came from nowhere, but there was this baby, aged about eleven months, dressed in nothing but an old fashioned nappy (or daiper if you prefer), drawn on the wall so that it looked like it was looking directly at you.  That was it.  No history.  No explanation.  But for years that image stayed with me.  And every time I tried to write the story behind that image, I'd get so far then give up, no matter whose point of view I was writing from.  It never felt quite right.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I suddenly saw a new way to try it and guess what?  I have just completed chapter two!  That is the furthest I have ever got with it, so I am beginning to think that - at last - I may have found the correct formula to take this story all the way.  Not only is it good to be properly writing again, it is great to finally be writing something I can barely wait to get back to.  The last time that happened was when I wrote My Writer, the first draft of which was written in six weeks in something of a fever!  I have been writing the new book - which, curiously is not a children's book - for about a week and so far, so good.  It has pace and some quirks and, already, an unexpected twist or two so if I can keep this up, who knows where it will lead.

After treading water in the proverbial sea of procrastination for so long, it has surprised me just how important to me my writing still is.  Losing my mun, moving house, settling down, Steve retiring, moving house again, getting things straight; all this has had a detrimental affect on my writing, with only the odd article, blog post or poem finding its way through the murk.  It is surprising how much better I feel now that I am back in my proper world, the world of the written word.  Suddenly, I feel completely whole again.  Wish me luck.  I will let you know how I get on.

New Year, New Us ...

Hello everyone and a very happy 2019 to you.  I am sorry not to have been back since early November, but moving in and getting the house straight in time for Christmas quickly became a twenty-four hour a day job!  For a few weeks we were kind of stuck in limbo as we waited for a new storage shed to be delivered and erected, thus freeing up the two bedrooms that have now become our studies - I got the big one, but that was Steve's idea.  I must say it is lovely to be back at my desk and my beloved laptop, tapping away and befriending my Inner Writer all over again!  It feels great to have all my books back on their shelves and I have even made a great start of sorting all my writing, updating and listing work that easily filled two dozen box files, which are all smartly re-labled and standing in a neat row along the top of the big bookcase!  It all feels inspiring and incredibly right.  

We have been seeing a lot of our grandchildren which is great!  Three of the boys all had birthdays the first week in January which meant a family tea for the little one and dinner at Pizza Express with the whole family for the older two - and three birthday cakes in as many days.  We took the older boys to a football match and our granddaughter to see a show and this weekend will be the little one's turn, with a trip to the SeaLife Centre which is just half an hour away.  And yesterday we managed our first sea-front stroll since moving in, even though it was bitterly cold, but that takes nothing away from the fact that even a stroll along the high street involves the sight of the sea sparkling at the end of the road!  I can't believe how lucky we are!

I have just starting looking for a part time job again.  None too sure what I actually want to do, though.  I still might go back into a Care setting, but being off work has reintroduced me to the joy of full weekends at home again and I don't really want to lose that, so we shall just have to see.  In the meantime, I am writing - this is my second blog post today and  I published an article on  LinkedIn, earlier so I have been pretty active today!

I will try to get back with a Writing update before long.  I have just introduced one of my books to a potential publisher so watch this space!

We Are IN!!! Westcliff is HOME

Here I am, back again after the frenzy of moving house last week.  The Move Out went smoothly on Wednesday. We spent the night at an hotel and then Moved In on Thursday morning with the HUMUNGUS removals van pulling in just half and hour after us.  The rest of that day is a bit of a blur.  It comes back to me as one of those old fashioned cartoons with someone running across the screen in a puff of smoke.  As our three removals guys brought in box after box after box, that is all I can recall; them running up and down the stairs and in and out of the rooms in puffs of smoke as the new house - now Home - got fuller and fuller and fuller.  Eldest daughter Lorraine turned up midday with three year old Oscar in tow and even he seemed somewhat bemused by the all the activity.

By around 4pm, everyone had gone and a while later we popped along to this rather brilliant Fish and Chip retaurant we'd discovered a couple of weeks before, had dinner, went home, unpacked until midnight then fell into bed with every muscle throbbing!  We have now been here for almost a week and it is already starting to look like Home.  The kitchen/diner, living room, bedroom and bathroom are all but finished.  The spare room and the room we have designated the Office will take much longer and could yet be box-bound for several weeks to come.  The good thing is that the place is livable, even if I am writing this post at the table in our gorgeous kitchen diner!

Every day this week, we have been out either shopping for essentials (like bread and milk) or for Useful Household Implements (like mug trees and coat hooks), so we are getting to know the area of Westcliff , Leigh and Prittlewell, which is lovely.  Ironically however, even though we have moved near to the sea, we haven't had time yet to actually take romantic walks along the sea front; never mind, I am sure that will come in time.

All in all it has not been nearly so stressful as we expected (although in all honesty, we have had our moments - mostly brought by exhaustion I suspect) and the really great thing is that we have seen lots of our grandchildren, which was, after all, one of the main reasons we picked the area.

It is a nice place to be.  The neighbours seem very friendly; everyone has time to chat to you in the shops and we feel very comfortable here, so here's to many more days. And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to properly get back to my beloved writing by the next millennium!!!😌

ALL GO, GO, GO ... WESTCLIFF HERE WE COME!

It has been a totally crazy couple of months!  Steve and I went house-hunting in Westcliff on Sea for a whole weekend and the very last house we saw was the one that was right for us.  Having made the decision, there was a couple of weeks to get all the formalities in place and on 1st October we collected the keys.  We move in on 8th November.  We have been "down the house" a few times since to measure up and to freshen and spruce it up a bit (it had been standing empty for over a month) and on Saturday just gone we introduced our youngest daughter and her family to it.   The grandchildren loved it - especially the little one who was asking which room was his within minutes of walking through the front door! 

Despite the fact we began packing months ago, it took on a new urgency once the house was ours and most of it is done, so we are back to being surrounded by boxes!  And even though we moved into this sweet little place with its leaded lites and walk-in larder just over two years ago, it has still been a bit of a shock at how much we have a/ accumilated and b/ have to do; ie booking removals, informing companies of note that we will be moving, arranging to have the gas, electricity, water turned off, setting up and/or cancelling direct debits and standing orders ... the list just goes on and on.

I left my job at the Care Home on 5th October and will not be going back to work until mid - January.  It took the pressure off Steve a bit and doing everything together has brought us closer than ever - if that is even possible.  It has given us a proper chance to sort through all the stuff we had in storage and, I kid you not, at least  two dozen archive boxes of unwanted items have now gone to the BHF charity shop in Sutton, half a dozen went to a local scout group who were collecting for a jumble sale and last Friday morning, a clearance company came in and took away some old furniture and a pile of wood (where that evolved from is anyone's guess).  It feels great to off-load and declutter, especially knowing that most of it has gone to good causes. 

Our house here in Sutton is looking blanker and bearer each day but we can hardly wait to get in to the new place and get sorted.  Our aim is to have the majority of it done by the end of November so that we can enjoy Christmas.  We even know where the tree is going!

It has been a bumpy ride and my writing has suffered intolerably - but I know the muse will come back when we walk the local beaches - which are just fifteen minutes from our door!

I always wanted to live near the sea!!!!

A Ghost Story Too Far?

I have had a supernatural story in my head for years and years.  I have tried starting it dozens of times but no matter what I do, or which character I write as, I just cannot get it right.  The story itself is clear as clear can be - and has a great twist in the tail.  It even has a title.  But it just won't let me write it down.  I don't know if it is because I have overworked or underworked the idea or what.  Am I trying too hard to get it too perfect?  Should I let it develop on its own?  If I do that I might end up never writing it!  Besides, everything that does happen is fully mapped out.  Every incident has a reason, all the reasons add up and the story is just screaming to be immortalised in paper.  But it seems to want to be immortalised on its own terms. Curious.

This, I have found, is one of the nicer problems we writers have to face.  I don't know about you but when people find out you are a writer, they seem to expect to see you physically writing every minute of the day.  "Thought you were a writer," they will say.  "Don't see you writing!"  The truth is, as every writer will know, you never stop writing.  Your brain is constantly trying to make sense of your characters, what happens to them, the good and the bad.  I feel really bad if I kill off anyone.  Seriously!  I find it hard to write in a character if I know he or she (or it) is going to meet its doom.  It may be absolutely necessary for the story, but the guilt kicks in and I think that maybe I shouldn't kill them off.  Maybe there is another way.

When Stephen King wrote Pet Sematary, he intimated it almost killed him when little Gage Creed ran into the road and straight under the wheels of a mega-truck.  J K Rowling wept buckets - effectively went into mourning - when Sirius Black was killed in the vaults at the Ministry of Magic.  Clearly our characters are alive in our heads and as real to us as our parents, friends, kids.  Clearly even they have an instinct of survival.  However did Agatha Christie cope with all her murder victims?  Did they go on to haunt her from beyond the page?

Getting back to my supernatural story.  I recently went with Steve to see Susan Hill's The Woman in Black at the Fortune Theatre in London.  It is a brilliant play and I can't recommend it highly enough.  It is so simply done, so beautifully portrayed, with just two male actors slipping very cleverly into all the characters the story needs to move along.  In fact I was so impressed that I tweeted Susan the next day to tell her how much we'd enjoyed it.  I was chuffed when she tweeted back to thank me for being moved enough to write her.  In the programme on sale at the venue, there are a couple of articles about how Susan tackled the story of The Woman in Black.  She wanted to write a gothic ghost story in the same style as stories such as The Turn of the Screw and A Christmas Carol.  How she did it intrigued me enough to go into Waterstones today and actually buy The Woman in Black.  My plan now is to devour it completely.  Where she was inspired by the writings of Henry James and Charles Dickens, I am hoping to be similarly inspired by her.  And maybe then my supernatural story will actually find its voice and let me write it.  Does it have a ghost of a chance, do you think?

Finding Myself Again ...

Despite the fact we have been sooo busy since my last post here, I have been surprised at just how much writing and researching I have been able to do.  It is so nice to be able to pick up a pen and just write, or switch on the laptop and just seek out writing opportunities, without having to worry about work, or why I feel so tired, or a  hundred and one other things.  And the ideas have been chasing me every minute of every day!  I've had some great ideas for at least one brand new book for 7 to 9 year-olds,  I did another talk for Croydon Writers a few weeks back.  I have written some more poems.  I even woke up the other week (rather annoyingly) with Jim Reeves singing a song in my head which didn't at that time exist!  It does now - or at least, the lyric does - but it was all rather strange.  I have never been a huge fan of Jim Reeves (although my mum was, bless her), yet there was this song playing round and round in my head like it was on repeat.  I wrote the first couple of lines on my way to the bus stop on my mobile phone notebook, and within half an hour every word of that song, and its tune (though I can't write music) had embedded itself into my memory.  Very odd.  Was Jim trying to reach me from beyond the grave?  Who knows?  All I know is that there is now another Jim Reeves song in the world, one which will prpbably never be heard by anyone else!  Did he even write his own songs? Absolutely no idea!

Anyway, Jim Reeves apart, I have enjoyed my summer.  Seen a lot of the grandchildren, been to lots of places, gone property hunting, spent some real quality time with my gorgeous Steve, turned 61 (unbelievable, I always thought I'd die young) in July, could finally have someone interested in re-inventing the Yucketypoo books (although that is still in its infancy, but I feel pretty optomistic this time) and just feel so much better in myself.  It is almost as if I had gotten lost and couldn't find me.  Well, I have found me now.  And it feels great!

MOVING ON ... (again)

Well hello Each.  So much has happened since I last blogged that I can hardly believe it.  I got the Young Writer poetry booklet done in time for the final session on 2nd June, thank goodness.  I was dead chuffed the way it finally turned out with its full colour front cover.  Luckily, many moons ago, when I worked at an office supplies company, I had the foresight to buy a long-arm stapler which meant that, not only was I able to print and collate the booklet, I was also able to bind it.  The faces on my Young Writers when I handed them their copies of that sweet little booklet were a joy to behold!  And when I handed them their certificates, printed on proper certificate parchment and decorated with a red seal, I felt such pride in these children, who worked tirelessly and enthusiastically for six years to make Addiscombe Young Writers the huge success it was.  And what a send-off they gave me on 2nd June!  Flowers, plants, chocolates, pens, mugs, writing books and masses of cards were heaped upon me so it was vey lucky indeed that Steve had been able to come along because I would never have got it all home on my own!

A lot of people have asked me since that day if I regret leaving the Young Writers but I don't actually.  At least not yet.  Steve did say that if I started to miss it too much, perhaps I could think about starting a new group once we have settled in our new home.  I am none too sure about that.  I think I would expect too much of it having seen how well the group worked so I shall have to think about it seriously.  Plus I think I would be forever comparing the two groups and I would live in absolute terror of it not working out.

Part of my leaving the group was to find more time to focus on my writing and, now I have not got to worry about preparing stuff for the children, marking their work and all the other paraphanalea that goes with running such a group - as amazing as it was - I am starting to find my own writing again and I am so excited about it.  Working part time is also giving me the opportunity, like today, to sit down and update my blog, look at what writing opportunities are about, go through my MsLexia, plough through my Children's W & A Year Book and just be a writer again.  And I am relishing it, I really am.

As far as the move is concerned, well, we are getting there.  We are back to boxes but we are taking our time with it.  We have already given lots of stuff to charity shops and we have a lot more yet to go.  We have been keeping an eye on what houses are available in or near Southend and hope to be in by Christmas.  Luckily we do not need to rush.  And there's other stuff going on.  We have just got back from a weekend in Margate and before that, a week in Italy (beautiful).  We have a break in Great Yarmouth coming up, a week in Cornwall, several trips out, theatre shows and a wedding in July, as well as having our youngest granddaughter to stay for a week so it is all go, go, go.

But d'you know what? I don't think I have ever been happier!

The Day The Printer Rebelled ...

May already!  What the f%*# !  It is a somewhat grey day at The Gallop.  Earlier on when I went out coatless in glorious sunshine, I thought yep - this is what summer is all about! Now, as I sit behind my latticed windows, listening to the constant growl of council grass strimmers tidying the verges,  the blue sky is disappearing behind candyfloss clouds and the sun has said That's it, time for a nap -  and gone to bed.  Hopefully it will wake up in time for this weekend which we are lucky enough to be sharing with five of our seven grandchildren in Southend.  Adventure Island - watch out!

Been pretty busy since my last post.  We have been househunting on the net and have set aside a weekend in September to go and view as many places as we can.  I have spoken to my manager about transferring my services to another residential home in our new area.  It is less than a month (and only two sessions) until I leave the Young Writers in the safe hands of Sara, the Chatterbooks facilitator and, in preparation for re-focusing on my own writing, I have taken out a subscription with MsLexia, the magazine for women writers.  I was a subscriber for a few years back in the early noughties and was very excited last week when my first issue popped through the letterbox.  I haven't actually had time to read it yet, but I have flicked through it.  It is more like a paperback book than a magazine now and I am not sure where to start with it but I am sure I will get to grips with it in time.

Have been crazily putting together a poetry booklet for the Young Writers.  I knew I would not have time to compile a new anthology for them - Word Magic and Word Magic 2 were both over a year in the planning, editing, laying-out, printing etc etc etc and this time, I only had six months between when I first proposed a poetry leaflet to the Young Writers and my final session in June with them.  Talk about yet another learning curve.  I found a programme on my laptop that allows you to put a booklet together and this morning I finished laying it all out and printed off the book covers.  But when I began to print off the actual poems, the printer threw a tantrum, blew a raspberry at me and thoughtlessly chewed up the sheet going through it.  So I have given it the rest of the day off and will try to get it finished over the next week or so.

I was recently a judge for the BBC 500 Words competition.  I did it last year and was offered the opportunity to do it again this year so I thought why not?  It is great reading the stories sent in by 6 to 11 year olds all over the UK and it never ceases to astonish me how much talent is out there.  I have decided this is the best age group to nurture where writing is concerned.  Their imaginations know no bounds and their honesty is something we can all learn from.  Maybe once they hit High School their heads are, quite rightly, trained to go into exam mode so - in the most part - there is not much time left for Creative Writing as a hobby.  I think, once we have moved and settled, I will start an on-line Creative Writing group just for children.  I will have to learn how to build a web-site first but hey - never say never!

I think that is about it this time.  Steve has gone off exploring and left me at home to write - and I still have Linked-In to catch up on so better fly.  Speak soon I hope. Keep smiling!

Moving On - In More Ways Than One!

Here we are, half way through April.  Another month has flown by.

I announced at the last Young Writer session that I will be leaving the Young Writer group in June.  Fortunately, Ashburton Library have come up with the idea of amalgamating the group with their Chatterbooks sessions, so all is not lost.  I am well aware that this will not suit everybody, but it would be such a shame if the young writer group just faded into obscurity after six years.  My news was met with mixed reactions from the parents who seemed somewhat more perturbed about the changes than the children. 

Steve has said that, perhaps, if it gets to the stage where I am really at a loss without the Young Writers, I could try starting another group once we have moved and are settled in our new area.  I have some misgivings about that, although it was really sweet of him to suggest it.  In the first instance, I would be forever trying to recreate the success of Addiscombe Young Writers - and if it did not work out for whatever reason, I would be devastated.  But the main reason I can't see it happening is because I seriously need to start focussing again on my own creative efforts.  This was made even clearer to me the other day when I received an invitation to have a stall at a big autumn fayre in September this year.  I had a really successful day there last year and more than trebled my outlay for the price of the table.  But I have only got My Writer to sell again, nothing new.  I need to get some new books under my belt so that I can offer a wider range of my work to potential buyers.  Because of this, I declined the offer of a stall.

I have been thinking about my writing a lot lately.  I know I need to sit down and work out a proper course of action here and set myself some goals.  I have come to accept (it only took me sixty years) that I will never ever be the world famous, best-selling writer I always wanted to be.  I do know, however,  I am a successful writer and that is what I need to maintain.  A wise person once told me that we all reincarnate and that our lives improve with each life we lead.  It could be hocus pocus but by that rationale I should be one of those high flying, world famous, incredibly ricj and successful authors in my next life, so in this life, I am content to maintain the success over five decades of hard work has brought me.

My last Young Writer session is on 2nd June.  We are looking to be moved by Christmas so 2019 will be my year; you just watch!

Writing Update!!!

Whoa!  With everything going on, I was still over the moon the other day, to receive an email from a Literary Agent asking to see the Yucketypoo books!  Plastic waste in our oceans and on our beaches is very prevailent in the current climate and this made me think of the Yuck books all over again.  It was such a pity that my former publisher was unable to deliver on the third book in the series which, ironically, is all about beach cleaning.  And that was written before it became such an issue in the public eye.  So the next day, Steve an I packaged up the first two books and  the typescript of the third, and sent them off on their journey.  Now all I can do is wait!

I have been pretty busy lately.  I have written a number of articles which have appeared on Linked In and, of course, the Young Writers keep me busy.  I have also been a judge for the BBC 500 Word Story competition again.  I had sixteen stories to judge all written by 6 to 9 year olds.  I tell you there is some amazing talent out there!  And I have finally got round to ordering myself some fresh new Business Cards.  They come in incredibly handy.  The other day I met an illustrator selling her work at a street market in Wimbledon and we exchanged cards with great interest.  I do try to carry some around with me but I am almost out of my original cards so decided it was time to treat myself.  I wanted something that looked completely different to my previous design and I must say I was very happy with the final proof!

There are going to be some changes with the Young Writers but I can't say anything else at the moment.  All will be revealed after Easter.  In the meantime, getting the members to write short poems for our forthcoming Poetry Leaflet has been ongoing since the New Year.  I am hoping to have this complete by the end of May.  I figured a leaflet would be quicker to produce as opposed to a book which can take anything up to a year what with editing, lay-out, printer's proofs etc etc.  The main thing is that the Young Writers get the chance to showcase their work and see their name in print, which is always a thrill no matter what age you are!

I have been thinking about my own next Writing Project and I have two ideas germinating so who knows where they will end up!

In the meantime guess what?  We are getting ready to move.  Again!

What's In A Name?

Over the years I have had lots of letters published in various publications.  Two in particular I recall concern Paul McCartney and Sarah Duchess of York and former wife of Prince Andrew.  In both these cases my letter highlighted the fact that they had published books for children. 

Now I have nothing against Paul McCartney - or indeed Sarah Duchess of York.  And I have nothing against Celia Imrie, Frank Lampard or David Walliams.  Each is excellent in their own field and Celia is one of my favourite actresses.

But I do have to question why they feel such a desperate need to write fiction?  They have all the fame and fortune anyone could wish for and yet they continue to "jump on" the Creative Writing bandwagon.   Writing one's biography is brilliant.  We all like to read how other people "made it".  We might even learn from their life stories!  Yet I have to ask - if it wasn't for their names, would their fiction have been published?

It may sound like sour grapes but that is not the intention.  All over the UK - and the world - there are people who write books, poetry, plays, stories; ordinary every day people like us.  Admittedly some think they have real talent but sadly don't.  And others have real talent but do not get the opportunity to display it, so my question is this.

Take all the famous personalities out of the picture and tell me this.  How many of those gifted people left would actually see their work published? 

Time to ponder.

Time Travel...

Today is 1st February 2018 and the time is precisely 11.07 am GMT, despite the fact it will show this post as being submitted at the somewhat ungodly hour of approximately 2am.  It may well be approximately 2am in the USA but it certainly isn't here.  Am I missing something?  With new advances being made in technology isn't it time someone invented an electronic gadget that automatically shows the correct time and date for your locality?  When Steve and I head off to do some Christmas shopping in Bruge last year, my mobile did me the service of showing both the local time for Bruge and  the UK - so how come my blog seems to be permanently on US time?

Anyone who follows this blog will know of my affinity to Doctor Who.  Is the fact my blog is permenently on US time - even though it actually shows UK time and date to me -  really just an indicator that Time Travel is not so much science fiction as science fact?  Okay so maybe one cannot walk from one era to another, but if I am writing this on a beautiful pre-spring morning in the UK with crocuses on the grass outside and sun shining through the latticed windows, how come the blog date will show me as writing it in the dead of night?  Hmm - puzzles indeed.  I never was much good at physics!

Thursday Morning Warm-Up!

It is a much nicer day today.  The sun is shining and Steve set off on his Thursday travels about twenty minutes ago.  Last week he went to Stamford Bridge.  He said he may try Craven Cottage today but he may yet veer off in another direction if something catches his eye.  At least I didn't feel quite so abandoned this morning as I watched him disappear up the road and that is probably because he is much more his old self.  The Diabetic nurse on Monday was brilliant, giving us loads of time and answering all our questions.  She has suggested ways to tweak his diet which already seems to be working because his sugar count, although still high, is kind of stabilising, and that, in turn reduces both his anxiety and mine.  He has another appointment with her in early March so all we can do is see how things go.

As for me, well here is my plan for today.  I will always use this first hour after he has gone out to "warm up" by updating both blogs and attending to any emails.  After that, I will go through my latest Childrens Writers & Artists Year Book and see if I can find an agent or a publisher who is prepared to breathe new life into the Yucketypoo series.  With all the current concern about plastic on our beaches and in the oceans, the third book Yucketypoo's Big Beach Clean-Up seems to be more relevant than ever and it is such a pity the previous publisher and I were unable to take it further.  I bought the 2018 Year Book with some Christmas money a couple of weeks ago but, to my shame, I have not even glanced through it yet, so that is a definite Must for today.  I also need to prepare a worksheet for Saturday's Young Writer session.  Plenty to do then.

See you next week.

The Start ... or Finish?

Belated Happy New Year to you! It has been an utterly crazy few months and it comes as no surprise to me that I have not been back since about October.  Firstly - although I may have mentioned this last post - Steve decided to retire from Tesco.  He just came home one day in October and announced he wouldn't be going back.  The general consensus was and about time too as he hadn't been terribly happy there for the last year or so.  The first few weeks were like a holiday. He got his sparkle back and everyone commented on how much happier he was.  Then, in November, his blood sugars went totally haywire.  Having been diagnosed diabetic almost a decade and a half ago, he has been on the same medication in all that time and this latest problem rocketed him into depression.  It is a depression that has been coming and going eversince. Sometimes he is fine for days or weeks at a time; his mood lifts, he says he won't let it beat him or ruin his life.  But othertimes, he sinks as low as it is possible to go and says it has beaten him and that he is tired of life and when that happens, he is almost inaccessible.  He won't talk.  He just gets angrier.  Not at me just at everything else.  It makes me feel so sad.   He kind of picked up a bit over Christmas, but then he has always loved Christmas, and for the most part, he just went with the flow.  Thankfully, he has an appointment coming up at the Diabetic Clinic where we hope they can give some answers, change his medication or offer alternatives which will make a big difference.

Shortly into the New Year we made one joint resolution together.  On Thursdays - which is the one day a week I never work - he goes out by himself and I get time to dedicate to my writing.  We gave it a trial run last Thursday.  He was out till early afternoon.  Today he went out at precisely 9.35 and, because he has been on one of his lows for a couple of days, as he walked up the road I almost felt a sense of abandonment.  He didn't know where he was heading and doubts he'll be back for lunch, so what time he'll actually get back today is anyone's guess.

On top of all that, we are looking to make our final move later this year.  We have almost decided to settle in or near Southend as that is where most of our grandchildren and our youngest daughter lives.  We have had a look at several houses online and finally decided to get some quotes from local removals firms, who have just started getting in touch to express an interest.  I need to secure the Young Writer group somehow and live in hope that the library will take it over but that will all be sorted nearer the time.  I have been running it for almost six years and, to be honest, am not sure how much further I can take it, so a fresh outlook and in put should rejuvenate it, fingers crossed.

So, on my first full day as a writer, I am sitting in the study, updating my blog.  What will I do later?  Who knows?  I have plenty of ideas but I am worried sick about Steve which isn't doing my Creative Flow a lot of good.  I know things will settle down again in due course, but until then we are on a very rocky road.  Watch this space for further updates ...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my Lord - how did I get all the way through October without coming back to say Hi to my silent and invisible readers!  The only thing I can put it down to is the fact I started a new job at the end of September and have been getting into a routine with a new shift pattern (and finding my feet) ever since!  Plus hubby Steve finally retired from Tesco after 34 years service and is trying to find ways to now fill his time.  The beauty of my new job is that I am off three full days every week and every other weekend means I don't work from finishing time Friday to starting time Tuesday.  Four seven hour shifts a week means I get whole mornings or late afternoons/early evenings at home.  Yay! Magic!  I now have the best work/life balance ever and Steve and I can do a lot more together, Run Of The Mill stuff like shopping, housework and tidying the garden and Terribly Exciting stuff like going places and  weekends away.  So, I hear you ask, doesn't that mean I will also have more time to write?  Well, dear reader, that is the plan, but we all know the best laid plans of mice and men etc etc etc!

I haven't got a great deal to tell you in the Writing stakes, really.  Poetry seems pre-dominant at the moment.  Well, that  and The Young Writers which is absolutely flying right now.  It has proved so popular that I do find myself wondering what will happen when I decide to call it a day - which is bound to happen sooner or later.  I'd still love to write a book about it because it has been such an exciting experience but what I really need to do is write another book for children, so you see my quandery. Lots of ideas, not enough time.  Og Mandino said that in The Choice.

Anways guys that is it for now.  I'll be back as Arnie says.  Keep smiling. Hugs and kisses!

My Teddy Bears and Me

I am not sure when I started to collect teddies.  I collected dolls for a while - the porcelain kind and the older ones but eventually I lost interest in them.  I still have half a dozen or so collectible porcelain ones in their boxes in storage and eventually I will sell them.  They still have their certitifcates and original packaging, so hopefully someone somewhere will want to buy them, either for themself or as a gift for a loved one.  If I can find them and get to grips with ebay, I might try that. If my 12 year old granddaughter can suss out ebay I am sure I can if I put my mind to it.  As for the teddy bears though - I am not sure when I became an arctophile!

My mum had this tradition of always buying a bear for a child's first birthday.  Steve and I have sort of carried that on because we tend to buy all the newborns in our family a Build-a-Bear bear as soon as they arrive.  I have always been quite proud of the fact the bear my mum gave me on my first birthday still has his own eyes.  He is almost completely bald and peers down at me from his display shelf liked a wizened teddy-bear Yoda, but I would not part with him for anything.  At one year younger than me, good old Bert celebrates his 60th next year and I believe he contains more than an essence of every day of my life!  I like to think of him as the patriarch. He takes all incoming bears under his thin bald arm and helps them to settle in.

I had this idea once of writing a poem for each of my bears and I started to compile a collection but I have even bears more now so it is an idea that has reawakened.  I thought I'd take photos of them as illustrations; I'm not a bad photographer so it is definitely an idea I will consider seriously in the not too distant future.  In the meantime here are a couple of the original poems.  I know you don't like to comment but it would be good to get some feedback about this so I shall keep my fingers crossed.  Love you all to bits. Jilly xx

BERT 
(written 29.08.04)

Bert is looking threadbare,
his fur is falling out,
straw is leaking from his paws,
he has a balding snout,
but one thing I am proud of, 
you may feel some surprise,
for all the fact he's 46,
he still has his own eyes.

Bert was given to me
the year that I turned one.
He's been my best companion,
together we've had fun,
and now this king of teddy bears,
who simply lasts and lasts,
sits proudly in my cabinet, 
protected by the glass.

I sometimes hold him in my hands
and stroke what fur is there,
and thank him for the memories 
that we will always share,
for even though he's little
and shrinking more in size,
I'll always be so proud to know,
he still has his own eyes!
(c) Jilly Henderson-Long 2004


REWARD
(written on 11.9.04)

Reward looks puzzled and
lost in thought,
as he sits and considers 
(as teddy bears ought);
he's lost in a dream,
so must be a poet
who'll one day be famous
(though he doesn't know it),
I'm sure his mind's busy
although he's so rare,
my beautiful magical
one-off old bear!
(c) Jilly Henderson-Long 2004

A Quick Reflection

2017 has been a funny old year so far.  At least it has for me.  I have been up one minute, down the next, full of ideas and enthusiam one day, completely apathetic the next. Most of the time I don't know if I am coming or going so how can I expect anyone else to?  One thing I have done is get back into the habit of writing regularly, whether it is my travel journal, my diary, a blog post, an article on Linked-In or a poem/story to mark a special occasion for someone else.  I have actually written quite a lot of poems this year, which is good.

There has been a lot going on in the background.  I have a book for children at a publishing company in New York (I would love to find a publisher or agent in New York - it is the publishing capital of the world!), and I have been seeking a publisher for my book about running a Young Writer group. The Young Writer group's 5th anniversary was celebrated and our first session back after the summer break looms large and exciting this Saturday (9th).  I am chuffed I got the new newsletter done in time, as well as the worksheets and an exciting appendage which I will go into more a bit later. I am in talks with a large company about producing a book with them but that one, I am afraid, at this point in time, is shrouded in secrecy.  I am just happy it is there hovering in the background in its rainbow mist - and when the time is right, I will let everyone know the details. So you see, I have not been idle.

There's been a lot going with friends and family as well. My friend Paul was ordained as a minister, my neice got married, we have two christenings coming up, Steve and I had our brilliant joint birthday do in July.  It has been somewhat manic, rather like a roller coaster ride.  And do you know what?  I wouldn't change a thing.

Technology - Who'd Have It ...?

So what is going on with Gmail?  Thought I'd ask this question since it keeps telling me on my smartphone that "Gmail has stopped working".  No explanation.  No reason.  Just "stopped working". Why?  Is it off sick?  Has it gone on strike?  Is it in a supervision with its manager or on holiday somewhere?  At least when someone is out of the office when one emails them, one normally gets an out-of-office message saying when the recipient is likely to be available again.  When Gmail stops, there is no such reassurance...

I am having severe doubts about the whole technologia issue lately.  Does the fact so many people are using a search engine or online/email service at the same time send the computer brain behind it into a downward spiral like a clockwork toy winding down?  Or is it all down to human error?  It is surprising how often I hear that "the computer has crashed" or "the tills have gone down".  Surely the whole point of technology is to make things (and people) more efficient?  Surely the idea is that it speeds communication up, not slows it down!

I quite often hanker for the old days when human beings were in control.  They may think they are in control in 2017, but they're definitely not.  Before I left the Day Job in the office, I can remember an afternoon when we were all sent home because the system failed.  That was fine at the time.  But then we all had to work twice as hard the next day to catch up with everything so it didn't really help at all. If a business has to come to a complete halt because the system has gone down, how is that more efficient?  At least in the not too distant past, if one person failed to show up for work because they were off sick and there were deadlines to meet, the rest of the team just got on with it.  If an office had to close for any reason out of the usual, the team would all rally round and help one another to get back on top, often generating a sense of comraderie.  All that seems to have gone now.  It is every man, woman or machine for themself and to hell with the rest.

I don't know.  Maybe I really was born in the wrong age?  If your quill stopped writing in Dickens' time, you just dipped it back in the ink.  Bliss!