The extent of my feelings simply knows no bounds. I have gone from High as a kite to being full of self-loathing - all in the space of a day! I was high as a kite when I carried on with a story I am writing for one of my work colleagues whose little boy died a few years ago. She and another colleague are going to do a parachute jump to raise funds for various children's charities in remembrance of the little boy. I do not have the guts nor the inclination to throw myself out of an aeroplane And as much as I say I'd like to do a marathon, I know I would be struggling inside ten minutes. But I know I can write. In fact, most of my published books have raised funds one way or another. With the poetry books it was Great Ormond Street Hospital. With the Yucketypoo books, it was Clic Sargent. And - depending how My Writer sells once it is published, I will ensure I make at least some kind of contribution from sales. Maybe to the NSPCC this time. Anyway getting back to my colleague, I offered to write a story book in honour of her little boy and as soon as I said it, this idea crashed into my head which has been consuming me ever since! So I have been writing feverishly and getting such a massive kick out of it! I have found myself smiling somewhat inanely several times as my pen skims across the page. Other people must wonder what on earth I am writing about! So - high as a kite then.
Filled with self-loathing when I seemed to be doing so abysmally at the Day Job. It is the kind of job that comes and goes. You are either doing unbelievably well and floating along in a delirium of joy. Or you doing terribly when the only way out seems to be a dive through the nearest window! My supervisor tells me I am doing great and I have to believe him or else I really would just give up. But then, right at the end of the day when it did pick up. Whadoyaknow! High as a kite again!
I also entered a poetry competition during my lunch break today. It was a particularly poignant poem penned during my last trip to visit my lovely old mum. I didn't know what else I was going to do with it so I put it into a competition where the first prize is a publishing contract for a book of poetry. Now that I could do with. So as I put the words on screen - felt almost sad as I thought of the sentiments that brought it about. But once I pressed Enter - guess what? High as a bloody kite again. I mean what is going on? It is hardly hormonal - not at my age! I just think I must be quite a complex being. I love doing well at the day job but I yearn to write full time. I love writing in the evenings - yet it takes every ounce of willpower to climb the stairs, switch on the laptop to actually get going. Weird or what!
Oh and by the way - the Kindle saga. What a carry on! I finally got round to taking it back to the shop a couple of weekends ago. They fiddled with it and finally diagnosed it had a fault. What a surprise! Could I swap it for another? Well I could but actually they had none in stock. Would they be getting more? Oh yes. Come back after Tuesday. Went back Thursday - um - no stock. So now I have had a full refund but I am completely Kindle-less! Why is life so complicated sometimes? I see other people reading theirs almost mockingly. They clearly have no problems. Ah well. Never mind. Onwards and Upwards they say. Onwards and upwards!